I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
