dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
