I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
