Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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