I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm at about main and main street
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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