i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
