I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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