Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
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