i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
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