I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
