I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
