he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
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