so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
