i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
