why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You may now shotgun with the bride
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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