Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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