yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
