I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
