That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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