I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
