I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
