when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
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but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
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I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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