She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Randomize
