So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
