"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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