hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You peed on a flamingo?!?
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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