So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
