I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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