oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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