you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
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