i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
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some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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