Need sex. Gaining weight.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
