We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
