Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
