thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
