Where are you?
In a non slutty way
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
how do flat chested girls get laid?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
