I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
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No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
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Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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