he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
