I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
