I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
