Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
