dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
