guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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