I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
