everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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