Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
