Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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