i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just want nice things and good sex
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
