Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
