Don't make out with my wife yet
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
