I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
