I must be too annoying 4 u.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
