Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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