I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
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