kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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