Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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