I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
