so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
