Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
So many bounce houses so little time
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No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
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Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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