oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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